I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize