yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
