what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
