mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
