You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
