Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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