I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
