i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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