So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
