fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
