Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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