Can i not drive my cunt home
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
