Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
