I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
