Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
