i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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