I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
