my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!