careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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