dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster