Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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