who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.