I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
