Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
