Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
