allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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