Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
