I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
