it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize