so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
