All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
