Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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