he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize