Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
