explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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