My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
