You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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