ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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