Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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