that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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