I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
