I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
