i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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