What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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