I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize