I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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