I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
