Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
