U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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