you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
