i would punch a child for taco bell
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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