Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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