So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
