turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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