hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
