For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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