i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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