i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
