PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
