she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
