Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
