Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
