the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
