i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
