So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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