i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
