i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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