If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
