How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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