SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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