Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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