U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
