my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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