I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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