First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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