She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?