I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...