Yo dont text me then not text me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same