Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.