last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
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Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner