im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He? As in you personified your dick?